Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category

Spammers used to try and encourage personal growth — literally — by using subject lines that suggest you need a bigger, harder, more energetic trouser snake*.

So it’s kinda funny to see a new trend with the subject lines in my spam box: “What a stupid face you have here” and “You look really stupid”. Rather than trying to encourage us or flatter us, they are now using the opposite tack: insult us. I think this will probably work better — no-one likes people to think badly of them and I reckon a few bruised egos or insecure souls will be clicking on those links.

This is briefly amusing, though it does alarm me somewhat to wonder how far this could go. It’s not much of a leap from this to use subject lines that are bullying, intimidating and downright threatening. Maybe if this happens, catching and prosecuting spammers will suddenly become as important as catching terrorists — with all the curtailing of civil liberties that seems to entail.

I shudder at the thought.

*Yes, even you ladies.

This is what you get if you fail to put the Beach Boys in your top selling music game.

I’m not funny or clever enough to make up a good April Fool, but quickily trawling the web this morning reveals the first few for your day one amusement. Big fat warning: if you like to be surprised by April Fools, I’ve already ruined these for you. Add more links in the comments as you you find them please!

• Flying penguins
• Google FutureSearch
• Betamax to HD-DVD converter
• Virgle — Men on Mars 

You’ve gotta hand it to the spammers.

In an effort to bypass spam filters, their “Enlarge your penis” emails now have even sillier subject lines. Just today I received these: “Bomb her womb from your huge cannon!”, “Elongation of your baby-maker size is not a dream! (Your banana is too small)”, “Most popular way to increase your dummy length (Your Big Daddy is too small)” and “Stop being a sniper, be RAMBO”.

I’m actually looking at my spam folder regularly now, just for new laughs. I guess their plan worked!

Spotted today on Norwood High Street: “Polish Express”. Either my shoes get a speedy shine there or it’s a reflection of how our population is changing. Judging from bags and bags of what appeared to be sausage flavoured hoses displayed in the window, I’m assuming the latter.

The other day on the way to the ICA, I walked passed a young Daniel Radcliffe clone: about 13 years old, short brown mop of hair, small round glasses and that particular cheeky grin. He was ambling past me with something written on his black t-shirt in bright white type. Closer inspection revealed a phrase, something like “I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not Harry Potter.”

It raised a smile on me that in turn received a big smile from Potter #2 as he wandered by. It’s a cute self-knowing bit of personal propaganda which I’ve taken to heart. I will soon take delivery of my own anti-promo: “I am not the milky bar kid.”

Hearing that two English comedians have resurrected a comedy god from the dead should raise an eyebrow. Discovering that the god in question is the late Bill Hicks will almost definitely generate palpitations. Whether they are of excitement or dread rather depends on your point of view: excitement if you continue to listen to “Arizona Bay” on repeat and yearn for more, or dread if you righteously defend him as an irreplaceable product of his time. Read more »