I live in a small block of flats that has a shared front-door and post box. Some muppet keeps letting Pizza Leaflet Guy in to hand-deliver leaflets to every flat and while I frown upon this security lapse, I’ve got used to it. So when something was popped through my door at 8pm last night, I thought it was another advert for Extra Ultimate Novelty Deep Pan Extreme.

But no, it actually turned out to be a note written by a neighbour, someone I haven’t even met yet, complaining about the noise.

Noise? Anyone who knows me knows that I’m prety quiet, so this was a surprise, but it seems the main complaint was me having sex after 11pm. Didn’t I know that the walls and floor were paper thin? Didn’t I have any consideration? Didn’t I know that he and his partner have stressful jobs that they must hold down. Why had I ignored them banging on my floor and shouting at us to shut up? Oh, and also, why is my water pump so loud?

It’s true I had heard a strange bang a few nights ago and some voices, but pardon me for not knowing that it was directed at me. I thought you were trying to kill your wife. No consideration? I think the guy is just jealous it’s not him. As for the water pump, I’ve complained to my landlord several times about it and she won’t fix it. This guy knew her too, so whatever complaint he has about that he would have had about her too as it used to be her flat. I wonder if he ever complained about her and her husband ‘at it’?

I’m not going into the details of my sex life, but his complaint might be valid if I was at it for hours at a time, every single night. In the event, the complaint seems to be about just two incidents and I’ve been part of a couple for four months now. Such ‘noise’ is part of what people put up within flats as the sounds of ‘normal living’. I don’t complain that I can hear the guy upstairs snoring, or the TV from downstairs. It’s just the way it is when you share a building.

Until last night, I was unaware that anything I was doing in the flat could be heard by anyone else. I’m a reasonable guy and once aware of such things would certainly make an effort to keep any noise down. But sticking a snidey note through my door, without even knocking to see if I was in, is not the way to resolution is it? And finishing it with “Welcome to Laburnum Court” is simply petty, vindictive and immature and has immediately got my back up. It’s also clear from the note that he has spoken to my landlord before coming to me! (I just spoke to her and in fact he hasn’t so at least that’s something.)

I shall be seeing the neighbour today, face to face. It’s the only way resolve it. I’m not about to resort to cowardly, petty note deliveries. Given that my initial contact has been via a letter, I don’t anticipate a smooth discussion. Anyone who thinks it’s OK to start a neighbourly relationship that way must be a little weird.

I’ve not been happy in this new flat and already have a long list of reasons to move out — time to add one more.

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